Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Holy sore nipples Batman
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
