Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
