Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
