All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
