would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
