none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Your dad touched me again.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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