I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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