Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
