Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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