Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
