you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
