i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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