he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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