regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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