so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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