Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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