I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
