then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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