I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
