You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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