We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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