I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
