you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
