Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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