It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
