she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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