I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
