I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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