So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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