I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
MIDGETS
????
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
