So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
