I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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