The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
