I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
