are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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