all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
