We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
