I hate your face
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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