Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
