We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
