And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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