Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Is it penis luge time yet?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
