I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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