I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
