There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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