She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
