Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
