but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
