Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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