You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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