I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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