I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
